Why relaxing is so much work.
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New ideas and open conversations about sexuality
Part 1: What we can learn from sex offenders will surprise you — as well as help you.
If a man has no friends or an intimate social support system, does that mean he doesn't need one? Nope. We're all members of a social species and friends are important.
Yes, we're a social species and yes, we're hardwired to fall in love, and yes we (mostly) all like sex. So what could possibly go wrong?
There are two types of people in this world: those who want to be free and those who want to have control. With which do you intend to build a romance?
Getting into a relationship based on equality doesn't just happen; you have to build it.
OK, so that last boyfriend was a real pain. Good riddance to him but, how to find one of the good ones?
Failure to integrate our sexuality and spirituality creates disaster because our values are there to guide us and without their illumination, we are blinded.
Religion is supposed to help us sort out right and wrong, understand how we should live, and so on. So what goes wrong?
In the last 30 years of my practice, those who have committed sex crimes have a 100 percent likelihood of three failures in their personal lives: career, friendship, and love.
If we can understand how people came to make sexually criminal decisions, then we can help prevent future sex crimes.
Part 2: When I ask sex offenders the question, "What would you like to get out of therapy?" the most common response over decades is, "I'd like to know how this happened."
For the last 21 years, I've worked as a sex offender counselor helping people who have been accused or convicted of sex crimes. We could all learn a lot from their stories.
Any close examination of the term reveals a number of the field's dirty little secrets. None are pretty.
OK then, if it's not sex addiction, what is the problem? Well, for starters, it's worse than you think.
So you think you're a sex addict? You might want to think again.
Most of us have experienced regret about getting into a committed relationship with someone who turned out, in hindsight, to have been so very wrong for us.
"Why don't they teach this in school? Everybody should know this!" A reasonable question for a society that preaches the importance of family.
No, you're not too picky. We all have personal deal-breakers that come up as we try to figure out how to have a great relationship and a sublimely happy future.
There are two specific types of variables, both deal breakers, that can keep two people from having a successful, loving relationship. Today, we're going to discuss the first.
The “Intentional Interview” can help to increase awareness of mental health problems that could sabotage our efforts at having a great relationship.
Our resources of time, treasure, and talent are not infinite. When we fail to perform our due diligence when selecting a mate, we impoverish ourselves emotionally and spiritually.
Is integrating sexuality and spirituality really a human need? It is, but instead of seeking sexual information from a church, consider going within.
Imagine having the perfect sex life. Then imagine that perfect sex life without x: is it still perfect?
When it comes to our need for sexual touch we are all somewhere on the scale of normal human diversity.
Sexual fantasies are the changing room in the sexual department store of life. Inside the privacy of our own minds, we can try ideas on for size.
You won't hear about the idea of intelligent management of sexuality at school, from family, or from church. But, like seatbelts, it's an idea that will catch on.
Sexual needs start in childhood and they are part of us for as long as we live. It's time we started talking about them.
We're all supposed to have sex with someone we're interested in, right? The problem is that the data collected isn't really relevant to the task at hand: finding a compatible mate.
Sure, you two can do it, but can you talk about it? Learn to converse with your partner about your sexual needs.
Do you think "safe sex" means using a condom? Making sure consent is explicit? You're right, but there's so much more.
Steven Ing has been a Marriage and Family Therapist for 30 years and is the author of two books on sexuality, We’re All Like This and Get Busy Living.